17
Oct
09

Kane – Kotiinpaluu(Return to Home)

The Helsinki Comic Festival was truly a success. I bought a pig pile of comics form there and I am on the roll now.

Because I have dissected basically nothing else but finnmanga, I’m going to dissect a basic, usual to Finland “sarjakuva” now. Unfortunately I got more finnmanga for you after this but.. I don’t think Kane will be very pleasing either.

So.. ladies and gentlemen and sheep. This is the first time I have ever had to warn you of the content before and I am sad this stack of toilet paper had to take my warning virginity.

Im not even being witty here!
I’m not even being witty here!

If extreme and un-needed nakedness and violence isn’t your thing, I have plenty of work safe dissections beside this one. But if you’re ready to bear this abomination..

Here is my dissection of

Why even finnish comics always happen in New York!?
Why even finnish comics always happen in New York!?

Okay, this one is a real piece of underground publishing shit. This is just the kind of stuff people do when they cannot get a publisher because their stories are honestly complete shit and then they go and claim that their comic was not worthy of publishing in big press because “it has too much nudity and violence”

Tank Girl got too much nudity and violence, The Preacher got too much violence and nudity(and bestiality), Sin City got WAY too much ass, tits and gore but they were really fucking good comics.

But maybe this will be amusing? Maybe it will be sexy? Maybe it will accidently deliver an important message? Maybe it’s nothing of the previous, but it’s a fun brains-to-the-hangar type of entertainment?

Let’s see about that.

Lung cancer is for the cool kids
Holy fucking shit the biggest cigarette ever!

Kane is a collaboration between a bunch of teenage boys and they have put out three of these abominations. In this comic they say there will be five of these albums, but the website(see sources) says the third one is the last one. Projects like these, with alot of people are rather quirky and unstable so we might probably never know because I ain’t buying the rest of these.

The main character’s name is Bruce Kane. And he is an ex satanist..

..wait.

Let me tell you a sad little story..

Oh great.

We haven’t even started and they have already probed the skeletons in my closet and I have a huge bias towards this pile of satan’s horn shavings. Will any good come out of this?

Now before we go on I want to make few things clear. First of all, I am over that shit. I’m not reading this as some high authority in satanism, but.. it PAINS me so much to see incredibly stupid representations of satanists. I bet the main character is not running away as an ex-satanist but as some sort of practising priest who knows ~**MAGIC**~ and..

MAGIG!
MAGIG!

..why did you have to do the biggest damn cliché ever in comics that represent satanism!? Why does everyone make their satanist chacters have magic powers!? I don’t get it!

Is it like, they can’t make the main character completely silly and unrealistic so they have to base their magic skills on something that’s “real”, and because wiccans are all sissy girls the only option that is even half-way cool is satanists. So we have this painfully stereotypical breed of anti-hero that I despise to the core of my very being.

The cult of satanism(not to be mixed with philosophical satanists) is interesting enough on it’s own without any mumbo jumbo. These people boil living cats, drink their own blood and hallucinate from the stress and horror they go trough! That’s fascinating and interesting and a comic that would show that intimate side of that sick fucking cult would be million times more needed and interesting than Yet Another Magig Satanist from the capitol of the comic universe – New York.

I’m not even anrgy because I have to go trough some fucked up memories when I see this comic, I mean.. I joined the cult as 13-years old too, which is pretty fucking eerie. I can handle my past already and everyone who has gotten away from the clutch of this cult should be able to laugh at it. This is something we NEED humor about, we NEED to laugh at it, but it’s so painfully stupid and romantisized that my head hurts.

Goddamn teenage boys. What fixation do you have for satanism anyway? I swear every teenage boy has had a satanist character.

Okay, rant over. Let’s get deeper into this shit.

So, the comic starts with a pedophile joke.

Oh really! But it would be so much nicer if you drew me in your picture, instead of him!
“Oh really! But it would be so much nicer if you drew me in your picture, instead of him!”

A creepy teacher gets angry to a little kid because she didn’t draw him into her picture, but instead her brother. Okay.. I’m not sure if this was supposed to be funny or not. It WOULD have been if his expressions would’ve been a bit more different or if they would’ve been more subtle. Now it just looks like they just wanted to say to audience “this guy is a pedophile” . Though knowing teenage boys, they probably think pedophiles at themselves are absolutely hilarious.

Though he might not be a pedo at all, he might just be into goblins. I mean.. just look at this “child”!!

ILL EAT YOUR SOUL HOMNOMNOMNOM!!
I’LL EAT YOUR SOUL HOMNOMNOMNOM!!

The mere existence of that horrible thing rapes the fabric of time and space and violates every living beings soul! Oh god please someone throw it into boiling water alive!

I also love how Kane spontaneously gets down’s syndrome

Durrrrrr
Durrrrrr

It would’ve actually been hilarious if he’d actually just become retarded for no apparent reason, but no. The jokes in this comic try to be all edgy and you’d actually have to be on 15-year old’s level to laugh at them more than once, and they also fail to be edgy enough.

Like how the main plot of this album goes around Kane turning an ugly lady into a hermafrodite midget when he was supposed to turn her more beautiful.

Ha. ha. penis. tits. ha. ha.
Ha. ha. penis. tits. ha. ha.

Oh, and get this; SHE’S ALSO FAT OHOHOHOHO FAT HERMAFRODITE MIDGET! I bet she’s also a pedophile!

..oh, so she’s a zoophile.

Ha. ha.

I have heard all of these jokes when I was in junior high and sex was SO FUNNY OMG DID YOU KNOW GIRLS HAVE.. VAGINAS!! so I am left unimpressed. They clearly want to go beyond and over with their jokes but the problem is.. they are not going far beyond enough.

Like, if Kane would’ve accidently transformed her into a tentacle monster that has vaginas all over and can only fuck itself.. now that would’ve been quite of a mess. Or if she would at least feel attraction towards some exotic and bizarre animal like giraffe but no. The jokes would be edgy and funny if this was done at 1930’s but not at this age of internet with furries and Deviantart’s “artistic nude”-section.

Though, I gotta admit I got a giggle out of Miriam’s(that herm midgit) butler being all cool and normal even that his master is sheep-fucking-herm-midget.

True professional
True professional

Well, yeah, that’s pretty funny. A normal butler just doing his job-

Oh.
Oh.

Why is everyone pedophile in this comic!? Freud would probably have something to say about this.. Oh, and it’s okay to make demons fry pedophiles brains. Pedophiles are pure evilness and satanworshipping serial killers are heroes. I don’t think this comic has any good guys so why are they even trying? Or was this also a joke?

I just might think too much.

But.. but.. but..

What kind of of a BDSM gear is this!?

The random laces thrown everywhere presented to you by FailGear
The “random laces thrown everywhere” presented to you by FailGear

Oh come ooooooon!! Haven’t you ever had sex with a fat herm midget in a dungeon before?!

I miss my ex.. she was the most gentle woman on the earth *sigh*
I miss my ex.. she was the most gentle woman on the earth *sigh*

..okay I just made a FAIL! whip.. but my statement still stands!

After being held captive by Miriam and melting the butler’s brain by his super-awesome satanist magig, Kane escapes the dungeon. This wasn’t a big surprise, it would’ve been more suprising and funny if Kane would’ve got it up the bum from Miriam and liked it and.. become pregnant with demons or something! This comic is not going far enough!

But after escaping Miriam he has something that I would call my basic weekend

He gets wasted

..and I mean WASTED
..and I mean WASTED

Whines and moans and begs for pussy but has to resort to whores

Gimme some cookie ..damn we finns have weird phrases for asking for pussy
“Gimme some cookie” ..damn we finns have weird phrases for asking for pussy

And ends up not getting it up at all and fainting at the sight of boobies

OH SHIT! Theyre silicons! Play dead and hope it goes away!
OH SHIT! They’re silicons! Play dead and hope it goes away!

..fun times, fun times.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD BOOZE
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD BOOZE

After that nonsense Kane is reunited with his old friends

I got nothin
I got nothin’

..retarded

..satanists

...

……

……ahaha ..ahahaha

!
!

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER! THIS IS THE MOST PRECISE DEPICTION OF SATANISTS EVER! NOTHING TOPS THIS ONE!

Oh how I was wrong! These guys have certainly been around satan worshippers! The resemblance is just striking! I could have never shown it better.

To be honest satanists aren’t even retarded. Retards are nice, calm and they love everything, but satan worshippers are like retards but without the calm and loving part. I am a great example of this!

So, the retardosatanists capture Kane and tie him up on a table for a dark ritual that requires butchering him and feeding him to a legless, armless, insane man who can’t say anything else than “ZUM TEUFEL!”

Everyday life in Kanelandia
Everyday life in New York

Apparently a hamster is not good and powerful enough for this, and belive me the Retardosatanist 1# has tried it

NOOO! Retards love fluffy animals you retard!
NOOO! Retards love fluffy animals you retard!

But then Miriam appears

I love that strap-on
I love that strap-on

Which leads to badly drawn gore

And FINALLY this damn thing ends

Goddammit this comic was all over the place. It can’t decide if it has a serious plot or not and the style jumps from this..

..to this..

..to this

But it was the first published comic for most of the cast, and I can see some promise in this. Gladly the boys will grow up and hopefully grow out of this kind of idiocy. Now there’s nothing wrong with dirty jokes or violence, there just honestly is a right way to do these kind of jokes. You know, a way that makes them funny.

Lordi sarjakuva was really funny even that it had more gore than this one, but it was so over-the-top and ridicilous that I didn’t even bother with warnings. Kane is a different  story, the jokes it tries to make end up flat and unamusing, and the “funny” images end up being just blatant offensive to the eye, causing maybe a forced smirk at best.

So.. now, if you’ll excuse me, I will go and have a manly sad moment. I am in desperate need of one after this comic. Besides I want to see if I can still use markers and ink.

Nope. Cant ink for shit.
Nope. Can’t ink for shit.

Untill next time!

See ya 3
See ya ❤

Sources:

http://www.elisanet.fi/timo.joela/satelliitit/julkaisut.html

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11 Responses to “Kane – Kotiinpaluu(Return to Home)”


  1. 1 Link
    October 17, 2009 at 10:56 am


    I’m going to go as far as saying ‘Water was Black’ was actually more comprehendable and let us never speak of this comic again.
    *rocks back and forth in the corner*

    • 2 finnishcomicsdissected
      October 18, 2009 at 1:36 am

      I never thought I’d say this, but yes, Water Was Black is more comphrehensive than this comic.

      The joys of self-published comics.. I think I’m so overjoyed I’ll join you to rock back and forth in fetal position.

  2. 3 Ivan the Rabrabian
    October 20, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Great dissection again! Even though I am not familiar with finnmanga (or, dare I say, with any manga whatsoever :O) I like this very much. Well, you certainly have a special approach to this problematic, which is the reason behind the fact, that I am going to read all the other posts. Keep up!
    Yours , Ivan the Painajainen (a new word I have learned, other than perkele)

    • 4 finnishcomicsdissected
      October 20, 2009 at 6:15 pm

      Thank you! I think manga influencing young artists is quite global problem, so it’s kinda calming to know at least someone isn’t familiar with this phenomena. Though our traditional “sarjakuva” is kinda weird on it’s own, as you can see from “Kane”.. I shall keep on dissecting B)

      Rabrabian means nightmare, then? Because then I have too learned a new word!

      • 5 Ivan the Rabrabian
        October 21, 2009 at 6:23 pm

        Well, to make things clear, I must confess to you – I am not an artist, I am just another anonymous spectator from somewhere, who is not reading (nor even watching!) any manga…….so,err…….let’s turn the page, shall we? 😛
        It’s YOU and your great approach, who made me enjoy all these posts so far. I certainly don’t want to overestimate you but, you know, maybe you’ve just hit the right tone on my keyboard of enjoyment 😀
        And I also like the finnish culture, so no problem here with using your national specifics or traditional sarjakuva. It would be quite interesting to dive into the deepest depths of finnish mentality 🙂
        Hence the conclusion: it’s good news that you’ll continue writing on this blog and I am looking forward to see new posts from time to time.

        Yeah, that was a loooong comment to write (maybe the longest one ever) but hey, you’ve earned it 😀 And now I am going to get a beer or something, writing can be exhausting…

        P.S. Rabrabian is just a variation of “barbarian”…just wanted to be original 😛

    • 6 Erkki
      October 21, 2009 at 6:59 pm

      Well, you don’t have to be an artist to tell a painting sucks just like you don’t have to be a director to tell your opinion on a movie!
      And.. thank you. I’ll keep it up, or at least try to. And I should really explore the finnish comic culture deeper. It should be an interesting and rather “disturbing” trip as most of our comics have very dark themes.

      ..and damn, I actually read it as “barbarian” many times before realising it.

      But yes, enjoy your beer!

  3. 7 Saatanan Satelliitit
    January 28, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Arvstelu oli hauska, ja siitä sai hyvät naurut, mutta…

    Olet luvatta laittanut nettiin sivuja sarjakuvasta, ja vielä muunnellut niitä. Tämä on vastoin tekijänoikeuslakia, koska et ole kysynyt siihen meiltä lupaa, tai maksanut asiaankuuluvaa korvausta kuvien käytöstä. Pyydämme sinua poistamaan luvattomat kuvat blogistasi tai tulemme Kuvaston kautta vaatimaan tässä tapauksessa meille kuuluvaa korotettua käyttökorvausta siltä ajalta, kun kuvat ovat blogissasi olleet.
    T. Saatanan Satelliitit

    • 8 Comic Dissector
      January 28, 2010 at 3:17 pm

      Kiitos :D!

      Teillä ei kyllä ole kovin tarkkaa tietoa tekijänoikeuslaista, tämä blogi on täysin laillinen enkä tee mitään väärää, en ole kertonut vääriä väittämiä kenestäkään tai mistään, ostin kirjan laillisesti ja nautin siitä. Kuvat ovat yhä teidän omaisuuttanne, mutta minulla on oikeus muokata niitä tahtoni mukaan jos en myy niitä edelleen ominani. Toisin sanoen tämä blogi on parodiaa ja jokainen kuva täällä menee parodian piikkiin, minulla on yhtä suuri oikeus parodisoida teidän sarjakuvianne kuin teilläkin minun piirroksiani. Tekijänoikeuslaki suojelee myös parodiaa, toivottavasti tiedätte sen ennenkuin rupeatte tekemään mitään hätiköityä. En ole siis saanut senttiäkään teidän kuvistanne, en sitten yhtäkään, ja jokaisen tekijän ja kustantajan nimi on mainittu väärinkäsitysten estämiseksi.
      Jos unohdin jonkun nimen, niin kertokaa ja korjaan asian.

      Tässä on esimerkki toisesta parodiatavasta: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/524391
      Ja tässä toinen, joka on myös innoituksen lähteeni: http://www.enterthejabberwock.com/?cat=12

      Jos ongelmanne on taasen henkilökohtainen ja ette jostain muusta syystä kuin tekijänoikeuslain takia halua teidän sarjakuvaanne blogiini, niin minulle voi lähettää postia osoitteeseen finnishcomics@gmail.com kuuntelen teitä mielelläni 🙂

  4. January 28, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    ahahahaha the down’s face, ahaha WOW. that guy should stop drawing faces :[

    the other two styles ain’t bad… but…

    what is this I don’t even


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