18
Oct
09

BLAW

I will admit it, I bought this comic just so I could see how badly it sucks.

Welcome to the eye-searing dissection of

BLOW
BLOW

I think you noticed that I edited the real name of the creator out of this comic. It’s because I am being nice. I don’t want this fuck-up to come haunt this poor girl when she’s all grown up and just tries to forget she actually did this and tried selling it. If she comes to my blog and says she can take the heat, I will not hide it anymore but untill then – she shall remain a mystery.

This comic is made by a  girl I presume is 16 years old or older. This comic has overblown plot with oh-so-exploitable name.

BLAW

BLOW

BLAH

She really didn’t think anything trough with this scribblemess. It just screams “BEGINNER!”, everything about it is silly and hardly even sub-par. The fail starts right from the covers, which have not been cropped. See that scan of the cover? I left all that white space on purpose because it’s the inner pages just spewing out of the covers, and I wanted to point it out. This was the only self-published book that had this bad cropping in the whole Helsinki Comic Festival.

Now I want to play a little game with you called “Try to get the text on the cover because the placing sucks ass hardcore”. Honestly, scroll up to that atrocious placing and try to understand what reads there. When your brain starts to hemorrhage and you just can’t take that picture anymore, here’s the answer

This title BLOWs
This title BLOWs

It actually took me and two of my friends to figure this out. It was like one of those mind-fucking puzzles that you’re not really supposed to even break. It’s like she didn’t plan beforehand at all! And I think it’s because SHE DIDN’T PLAN ANYTHING BEFOREHAND. She just threw shit together on the fly.

She apparently first drew some pretti doggies and pretti animu on the cover, then the BLAW, then she went like “Oh shit, the BLACK doesn’t quite fit, oh well, I’ll use that “B” on the “BLAW” for this” and only then realised she can’t use the “A” and “W” for the “AND” and “WHITE” because there was drawings on the way, and she ain’t gonna do all that work again! It’s only the cover for her first comic anyway.

But what’s up with that random “L”?

Oh.

It would otherwise spell “BAW”

BAAAAWWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BAAAAWWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Merely the back cover has so much stupid stuff on it that it deserves its own spotlight in this entry. Let’s also play another game, this one is easier and it’s called “Spot the weeaboo!”

Did ya spot the weeaboo?
Did ya spot the weeaboo?

Oh, and I didn’t parodise this in any other place than the credits. That overblown “Two brothers! Dark and light! Only once in a lifetime!”-stuff is word to word translated from what she actually wrote there. She seriously just did it –  the most cliché plot for a fantasy-themed story.

It was also nice that for once I could write as badly as I wanted. My handwriting is really atrocious, but hers isn’t any better than that so.. ahhh.. no pressure. This will look authentic no matter how much I slack.

Despite the “PEE ESS. READ BACKWARDS, WE’RE IN PLAY-JAPAN NOW” I read it backwards the first time and wondered why the comic made no sense. Then I forced myself to read the unappealing text, realised it was backwards(after reading the whole thing!!) and it didn’t make any more sense reading it on the intended order.

That is a bad sign.

So, let’s dwell inside this comic.

Please just lie that you did this in 5 hours and youll save your face..
Please just lie that you did this in 5 hours and you’ll save your face..

“My inner wolf”

Uhh.. oh fuck. No. This comic is not only done by a weeaboo but a weeaboo furry! And in Finland it can mean only one thing.

YIFF!
YIFF!

Ginga Nagareboshi Gin or as we know it here – Hopeanuoli.

Hopeanuoli was published here as VHS videos in the 90’s even that it was really old-ass animation. Finland is amazing like that, we get everything about 20 years later, but the ridicilous and rather terrifying thing about this is that it’s still popular here. Really fucking popular. I think I would not be wrong if I said it’s the major reason why kids in Finland adapt anime styles.

It also got another, new series Ginga Densetsu Wiido so that goddamn shit will keep on sticking to the shoes of Finland’s new comic artists.

Honestly if anyone can bring me even one finnmanga artist who is clearly not influenced by Ginga in any level when drawing dogs, I will draw you a pretty picture of anything you want and admit I was wrong. I swear and promise, this is my written word, I will do it for the person who finds an artist like that, and to avoid cheating the picture presented has to be older than this entry.

Its ON
It’s ON

Unsurprisingly the comic has some very crudely drawn Gin ripoffs

You shouldve been drowned into a bucket as a puppy like the rest of your litter
You should’ve been drowned into a bucket like the rest of your litter

What’s up with those markings!?

Oh yeah.. the NOTDISNEY!-syndrome. This syndrome drives its name from the fans of The Lion King who are rather notorious for this nonsense. They trace a lion from TLK and to make it not look like simba, they put on incredibly obnoxious markings on it and sometimes even clothes. Markings are same as originality in the minds of stupid.

See also: sparkledogs
See also: sparkledogs

So, this comic starts with an old story of two badly drawn animu brothers who look constipated and fiddle their swords while looking into the distance for no apparent reason.

WE ARE SO ANGRY FOR NO APPARENT REASON

They have been taught all their lives to hate eachother(wow, good parenting right there) and to kill eachother and they do so

I.. think they are coffins?
I.. think they are coffins?

YAY! The comic is over, I can go pop open a bottle of-

..oh fuck it was just a stupid backstory, the comic jumps into the present day and shows us a young student in a badly drawn school building doing the roadrunner-effect. He looks exactly like the two dead brothers. They even do their hair the same way! What is this nonsense?

Now his hair changed colour!? At least I think it is him. He has the same clothes and is saying “sorry for being late” which implies he might be the guy from the previous frame who ran home from school. Why did his hair change colour!? And oh god no his name is Link

LEAVE HIM ALOOOONE!!! HES GONE TROUGH WARS!! BAWWWW!!
LEAVE HIM ALOOOONE!!! HE’S GONE TROUGH WARS!! BAWWWW!!

Then Link goes for a walk with Gi.. er.. Arra(what the fucking name is fucking Arra what the fuck) and it’s suddenly night and they come across a monument in his hometown, which makes him extremely surprised.

Did he just move there or is he retarded?! Or maybe he never goes out, his parents named him after a video game character anyway so he must be at least second generation of basement trolls we call gamers.

Maybe it flew there? It has wings after all.
Maybe it flew there? It has wings after all.

And his hair changes colour again!! What is wrong with this dude!?

AAAH! What happened to the moon! Did it just get smashed by a meteor!?
AAAH! What happened to the moon! Did it just get smashed by a meteor!?

Arra seems to get really excited about the place, and as the main character has no personality or life he just follows the dog around aimlessly, surrounded by bunnies. And they bump into.. uh..

Link’s identical twin crawling out from a grave??

But that doesn’t bother him the least, nor does the fact that the guy who just crawled out of the grave sliced his dog open.

BLARGH! Im a Ginga trace *ded*
BLARGH!  *ded*

In fact, he brings his identical, grave-dwelling, dog-slicing twin into his home because he looked aww so poor when he fainted convienently.

Protip! Hide a hand into snow so you dont have to draw it!
Protip! Hide a hand into snow so you don’t have to draw it!

Uh, why is he thinking of  She-Ra??

That show sucked
That show sucked

We will never know.

I also just realised something. When I first eyed trough this comic I thought it happened in a wasteland because the background was full of something what I’d call giant trash heaps, but now I finally got it. They are trees.

I dont want to know why their trees look like that
I don’t want to know why their trees look like that

At this point I seriously doubted the mental capacity of the cartoonist. I even checked the website of her art school and there was no mention of “special” classes. I presume she’s in art school because she got on the cartoonist line. Cartoon lines in art schools aren’t very popular in Finland, so basically anyone can get on one. I mean.. they let me on a class like that! You can only imagine.

She can’t draw and she can’t tell a story in a comphrehensive way. I had really hard time keeping up with the story when it was told like this

In what order should we be reading this mental fart!?

She also has to write what she means at some parts when she realises she’s not making any sense or her skills are lacking.

Its neutral! cus I wrote so!
It’s neutral! ‘cus I wrote so!

You have the power of the pen, youngin’! USE IT! But not like that! Would facial expression chart been just too much to do or what??

The dog-hating, undead twin brother of Link introduces himself as Light and then they have extremely gay moment. And I don’t mean like “that’s gay!” but like.. really gay moment.

Oh let me touch your hair. For some reason I fucking love how it looks!
Oh let me touch your hair. For some reason I fucking love how it looks!

I have no idea why that was needed because in the next moment we are in Light’s flashback where he and his brother, Dark are being attacked by a dog.

It just wants some yiff 😦

This apparently happened 300 years ago so.. why is there modern floor tiles?? And what happened to their staircaise!? Do they use it as a toilet?

The evil Ginga-trace.. er.. dog shape-shifts into a dark haired animu person who is surprisingly not identical with every other character in this whole comic..

Im confused, why am I not identical with everyone else?
“I’m confused, why am I not identical with everyone else?”

.. and we get probably the most hilarious scene in this whole comic.

First, someone gets a veiny boner

Always wanted to do fisting and regular sex the same time without using two bodyparts at the same time? Try WunderFist! Only from FailGear.
Always wanted to do fisting and regular sex the same time without using two bodyparts at the same time? Try WunderFist! Only from FailGear.

..and this organ gets smacked into the dog-man’s face

Whos your daddy! OH YEAH!
Who’s your daddy! OH YEAH!

But don’t worry, the wolfaboo got his revenge

Whos the bitch now!? Im gonna yiff you to death!
“Who’s the bitch now!? I’m gonna yiff you to death!”

This whole flashback wasn’t only oddly placed, but doesn’t make any sense with the plot. Wasn’t Light and Dark taught to hate eachother from the very start!? Why the fuck was Dark then protecting his brother, Light?! And he died by getting yiffed to death by a traced wolfaboo, not dead from the battle between the brothers like it reads in the BACK COVER and FIRST PAGE of the comic! In fact, why is Light alive at all anyway? They should both be dead!

Lass Lassie, what the fuck where you thinking when you wrote this piece of shit?!

She can’t keep the plot consistent even for one page, look at this!

First Link tells Light he forgot his jacket while holding his scarf, not jacket!

Then Link offers Dark his jacket while being randomly very angry while wearing his scarf

And Light puts the jacket on. And I have no idea why that scene was needed.

Oh, but something falls out, let’s see it a bit clo- AIIIIII!!!!

EEEEEUUUUURRRRRGGHHH!!

WHY WAS THIS NECESSARY!?

Does that capsule smell REALLY BAD or something!? What the fuck!?

Ohhhh now I get it! It had a three-headed Kirara-sperm genie inside! Now it all makes sense!

EXCEPT IT DOESN’T WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?

..and good god Lassie stop drawing trees please!

And suddenly we are flooded with new characters that didn’t have even one mention in the comic before the six last pages of this 68 pages long trainwreck

WHO ARE THESE CHARACTERS!?
WHO ARE THESE CHARACTERS!?

She had fucking 68 pages time to tell us some backstory but no! She used all those 62 pages to fucking around with unnessecary scenes of forgetting scarfs and jackets and just.. dicking around doing nothing else but changing awkward looks. There was all in all only one action scene and it lasted for only two frames.

Can you even tell all these people from eachother!?

Theyre all twins. The end.
They’re all twins. The end.

And for some reason Light’s brother Dark is still alive and has turned into Sepiroth from Final Fantasy 7

But wheres She-Ra?
But where’s She-Ra?

hrngh…

I HATE THIS COMIC

Can you tell I didnt like it? CAN YOU, HUH!? HUHH!?!?
Can you tell I didn’t like it? CAN YOU, HUH!? HUHH!?!?

This was absolutely ridicilous. I drew like this when I was in third grade! Every normal person drew like this when they were in third grade! I actually get flashbacks from this image

Hands up everyone who drew this exact image in third grade!
Hands up everyone who drew this exact image in third grade!

Lass Lassie has no talent whatsoever. She cannot draw, she cannot tell a story, she can’t make the characters look unique. I don’t understand how it is possible she is apparently an artschool student, I see absolutely no potential in this. She needs to do ALOT work to get even to the sub-par level in art and storytelling.

This was actually my third entry this week, all made in the day after each other. I hope that settled my drunken, and lazy scedule. I’ll do a status update and hopefully an entry next week with the details about the future of this blog. I will try and get more regular with this thing.

But now.. I need sleep and some.. time alone after this bunch of toilet paper.

Sources:

http://www.sarjakuvafestivaalit.fi/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ginga:_Nagareboshi_Gin

Sparklelions:

http://mitarashianko7077.deviantart.com/

http://ladylugia.deviantart.com/

http://sakasagami.deviantart.com/

http://soruna.deviantart.com/

BAWWW-bunny:

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Incontinent_Student_Bodies

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21 Responses to “BLAW”


  1. 1 Link
    October 18, 2009 at 11:06 am

    Somehow I’m now ashamed to use ‘Link’ as my nickname…

    You make Finland look really bad, do you know that? (at least in the comic section) xD
    Although you guys still got Maaria 8D
    When that ‘B’AAAWWWW’ image popped up I lol’d like hell.

    Oh! And some trivia for you, an artist in one of the previous comics you dissected was strongly influenced by Ginga, can you guess who it is~? *muahahahahaah*
    I’m surprised you didn’t notice yourself:D

    • 2 finnishcomicsdissected
      October 18, 2009 at 2:04 pm

      It’s okay, you’re not a badly drawn animu.

      Oh no..! Well, can’t help that. No one will realise we suck and start trying for the better if the bad side isn’t exposed. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Finland, it’s the only real place for me to live and draw in, but I can be hard on my beloved country if I feel like I need to.
      Seems like I have to use my ace with the next entry. I got a real good comic up my sleeve..

      Do you mean Elli Puukangas? Didn’t I point that out in the entry!? OOF! minus 100 points for me! She did that terrible 140-pages long sparkledogcomic after all.

      • 3 Link
        October 18, 2009 at 2:28 pm

        Oh touche 8D

        Sa’ll good, I hate my country (I have good reason), I wanna go to Finland one day though, I’m also learning Finnish, which is in a way pointless considering you all speak English xB

        Hurr, a good one ey? I can’t wait, all this recent viewing of painfully drawn creepy-ass-I’m-not-quite-sure-what-that-is is slowly melting my brain D:

        Yes! Giant-breasted-Ginga-sparkly-llama’s >D
        It was a fox though ._.
        I still can’t get over just how badly that was done, some of her stuff on the net was good but, eeew! How hard can you fail?!

    • 4 finnishcomicsdissected
      October 18, 2009 at 10:23 pm

      You live in England, right? I’ve been up with the political situation there, and damn if I see Gordon Brown ONE MORE TIME..! But yeah, we all speak english. Or at least Finglish hah!

      Puukangas had a lot of pressure on her, so gotta give her that. She got into this mess too young and her only saviour will be a humble ego that will make her grow into a better artist.

      Ps. Actually I got two good ones B| but let’s see when I have some time again.

      • 5 Link
        October 19, 2009 at 10:00 am

        Oh mai gawds. You’re magic D:
        Yeah I do :3
        Yeah our government is just one of the reasons I hate this place D<

        I couldn't care less for her, or feel any empathy whatsoever, in any other situation I would but a few years ago I had the displeasure of speaking to her, so was so rude and arrogant it was unreal. So yeah lol

        Muahaha, can't wait, the good comics are just as fun to read about as the bad ones (if less painful too)

    • 6 Erkki
      October 21, 2009 at 6:38 pm

      You said you speak english, so I assumed and was right :D!

      And damn, I had no idea she was like that.. shame

      • 7 Link
        October 21, 2009 at 7:05 pm

        It is :\
        But still, I would be an arse I believed that belittled her talent, which she does indeed have, just…well, I was actually gobsmacked when I saw your dissection on Vartijat, honestly I didn’t expect someone to be so bad.

        And American people speak English too xD

        Out of curiosity, why are you replying as ‘Erkki’ now? I was so confused when I saw your replies, took me a while to realize it was you xD

    • 8 Erkki
      October 21, 2009 at 8:35 pm

      Yeah, she has some potential if she actually studied some anatomy and composition. She’s just been led on the wrong track and got into the hands of Big Press too young.

      Yeah, but you seemed to know alot about Europe
      ..and okay, I can see your e-mail address ending with “uk” but I swear I would’ve still thought you were English xD!

      Sorry about that! I realised I had no info about me anywhere and went to edit my “profile” page. I still can’t quite use wordpress.. I actually have plans for big renovation with this thing, I hate the layout but I’m too stupid to know how to change it!

      • 9 Link
        October 21, 2009 at 9:51 pm

        She did her own stuff by will before she got into Vartijat, this is her first non-self-published work.

        HA! You’ve been cheating all along >D

        Meh, WordPress is complicated, I was gonna get it once, but just signing up looked like hell D:

  2. 13 Nuunuu
    October 19, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Haluaisin ostaa tuon Blawin. Onnistuuko?

    • 14 finnishcomicsdissected
      October 20, 2009 at 6:03 pm

      Voi juu tokkiinsa, siihen menee vaan vähän aikaa että saan sen käsiini ja lähetettyä. Minun on meinaan pakko se itse lähettää koska en löydä taiteilijasta mitään tietoa netistä, ei mitään galleriaa tai nettisivua sarjakuvalle. Hyvä vaan kyllä taiteilijan tulevaisuuden kannalta..

      Voit lähetellä postia tästä osoitteeseen finnishcomics@gmail.com

  3. 15 Anon
    October 21, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, that comic is terrible. On the other hand, you’re picking on a 16-year-old. On the _other_ other hand, even I didn’t suck that much at that age.

    • 16 Erkki
      October 21, 2009 at 6:48 pm

      When I wrote this entry, I actually was tormented by her happy face when I bought this comic. I was going to make it the carrying theme of this dissection, but decided against it as I don’t want the sympathies to my side. But belive me, I felt like an ass and still do.

      I think of it this way:
      She is really bad at comics, I see no future potential in her at all so better tell it straight than lie and make her pursue something that’s unrealistic(if she even ever reads this which I doubt) I’m sure she is really talented, just not in this subject. In fact, when I tried to find a gallery or a bio of some sort about her, I found some articles where she had won prizes over her other talents. Why she is not pursuing them baffles me. But she has a lot of time, being so young.

  4. 17 tsurai
    October 23, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    I love you when you’re being so mean. And I started to laugh when that “Possibly related posts”-part recommended me with a title named “Hitler Crucified My Son”.

    Hmm. I also see some Naruto used in there. Fishnet clothing and that mysterious “Sephiroth” looks pretty much like Itachi (http://quizilla.teennick.com/user_images/R/RE/REI/ReiyaneoftheSand/1193195617_icsItachi8.jpg). But hey, twincest is awwriight! BD And I hate when eyes are visible through hair.

    But the good thing is that at least she DREW A COMIC (we just wish she didn’t). And she..uh.. MIGHT get better the next time? I just hope that she would do something completely different than drawing..

    And I loved this page (http://i467.photobucket.com/albums/rr34/finnishcomicsdissected/16EWWW001.jpg) and I dunno why! It is so horrible that it’s awesome! D8

  5. 18 Somethingwitty
    October 25, 2009 at 12:11 am

    After that, I lost it. What the hell?? Is the creator mad? Is that supposed to be funny? Ironic? What?? :DD
    As the previous writer, I also think that’s awesome page for some reason. Srsly. If this whole comic was drawn like that, it would be much better than it is now.

    Anyways, great stuff (by you, I mean)

    • 19 Erkki
      October 25, 2009 at 1:45 am

      It’s weird how everyone has said that – “If the whole comic was done with this style it would be [positivie remark about the quality getting better]” It really starts to seem to me that she is just way too influenced and she would have.. very little, but at least some hope if she just cut that whole “finnmanga” crap, and got along with her original style. But yeah. why that page looks like that? No one will ever know what went trough her head at that moment.

      And thank you! God.. I feel like such an ass, getting praise from telling people their art is shit HAH! D:

  6. 20 Mousku
    November 1, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    This picture, http://i467.photobucket.com/albums/rr34/finnishcomicsdissected/16EWWW001.jpg, is something absolutely astonishing. I just can’t stop staring it.


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