Lordi 2

Oh god please not again..

There’s apparently 3 parts of this comic so I won’t be off the hook after this, which is the second part of the Lordi-series. This is rather unpleasant for me to dissect because 1# Lordi 1 was my first dissection and the art on it is already so old and cruddy that I want to die – I didn’t learn how to use tablet properly until now and 2# That comic was bad enough, I don’t think this will be nice to my mental health, either.

The cover image for the first issue was dark and ugly, but this one is even worse. I made a small edit to show how it treated my eyes, and what path my sight took to make sense of the cover.

If you remember the first entry.. you know what that fist means.

How can that fist be twice the size of HIS HEAD!

Hoo boy we will surely be on our way to a shittily drawn, magical adventure of fail and gore. Mostly gore. Oh god the gore.

Last time there were 3 cartoonists collaborating with this comic, but now there’s fourth. Original cast was Mr. Lordi himself, the amazing and awesome Petri Hiltunen and rather less amazing Mattipekka Ratia who pretty much ruined the whole comic with his scribbles. Now they also got Sami Kivelä and Ratia’s daughters Ria and Nadja seem to have played a great part in coloring of this comic.

They got a big group working on this, let’s see if this soup has too many cooks or just enough!

Sami starts the comic with this

Homnomnomnom

I kinda like this style..

But what’s with Amon’s face??

Facelift?

I get it, he’s a monster, he’s fucking ugly but.. all that flappy skin! WHY!? Wasn’t he supposed to have a scarred face, not a melted skin?!

God, I'm handsome

Now he reminds me of Vesa-Matti Loiri

AIII! MONSTER!

oh shudder..

This part is kinda adorable, just look at how friendly little fellow Mr. Lordi is

D'aww feeding his fwiends coocie coo!

Lordi has pretty awesome accent in finnish, too. I didn’t dare to emulate it in english as I really am not that good with language, but he speaks like the old people from the very north of Finland. It’s really adorable and refreshing for a monster.

For additional humorous moments, look at that guy’s expressions who is being eaten. I can hear Agapio Racing Team dubbing him with the most boring voice ever

“Oh no, my arm is being ripped off..! I am mildly interested..! aah..” just look at the guy’s face! I’m pretty sure that is not the face of someone who’s in pain. Holy cow what a poker face.

And what’s with this part and the inceribly huge space of white??

I think you forgot something

I know! It’s the white space reseved for THE FILLER BLOB SHOW!

Now it all makes sense.

IT DOES! SHUT UP!

Next we get to a part drawn and written by Mr. Lordi

In all seriousness, I kinda fancy Mr. Lordi’s style. It’s not really that bad. He just seems to have a weakness in storytelling and anatomy, especially shoulders like you can see from that hunchback up there.

I was very confused about this scene particular, a kid is being levitated by evil spirits

And the very next frame shows the father saying “rest here darling” and the wife is on a bed.. in her own bedroom. What the fuck happened to the kid?! Is he still floating?! Things are going way too fast.

But he has some good grasp on how to make things visual and interesting

He makes some decent comic, allright but he’s still mostly a musician. I have a hunch that this might be “my childhood dream”-kind of thing for him. I mean, yeah, he’s world-famous rock star, but now he’s also making the kind of comics he read when he was younger.

But that’s just my hunch – or more like a wish. The band has already gone over their most famous and epic moment, so now we can only hope they had fun along the way.

Okay, enough pitying rich and famous rock stars – choke on your money pigs!

We’ll move on to a part drawn by Petri Hiltunen

Oh.

Hitler.

In all seriousness, I hate when people use Hitler in their stories because everyone and their grandmothers and their grandmother’s DOGS have made a comic or a movie about the goddamn Hitler!

I’m so unbeliveably bored of Hitler. Didn’t they have satanist nazis in Hellboy, too? What is this nonesense? I’m so bored of this.

The story wasn’t particularly interesting and Perti drew it without any things that might need my annotations so I can skip this boring pile of beated horse with a pure concience.

Poink owns Hitler

After the demon-calling Adolf Hitler Mattipekka Ratia takes the lead and we face the epitome of fail.

A gay couple is spending their wedding trip romantically in the middle of woods, without guide. HAVE FUN GETTING LOST IN THE WOODS, PANSIES! I bet you break your ankles the very second you-

Oh GODDAMMIT!

I sure hope you don’t also go talk to dangerous strangers who think of you as “dumb city people” and point at you with a gu-

How come these people have survived to adulthood if they’re that dense!? God what a couple of prissy and dumb little princesses! Just stay in the town you dimwits! They’ll probably die horribly very soon anywa-

..whaa!? They survive to the end? What’s this? This is a comic about heartless monsters who eat people mindlessly and for fun, these guys are the comical relief, they are near Kita for chrissakes and they survive and have the last words which is a silly line of  “We should’ve gone to San Fransisco instead!” Why break THIS chiche if you used every goddamn other one, right down into the straining of ankles!? Does this guy have something for gays or what?

Oh. He’s done a comic about a gay couple called.. Sausage and Plug are you fucking serious!? This seems to be his most known work, to boot. Is he seriously tooting his own horn in a Lordi comic!? Or is he just very fond of gays? I mean, I am very fond of gays, too but what is this!?

And about that last picture.. what’s with all this fail gore!?

Seems like some idiot didn’t realise that horror and gore is actually not about just scattering random body parts all over, especially when you don’t know jack shit about anatomy! Just look at that guy’s mangled “face” there’s not even empty eye sockets there! Never mind any other feature, but not even eye sockets!

Oh, great. Now I also really crave for these

They’re not even sold where I live.. not in the whole country. See what you did to me you cruel monster!! I want candy!

And what’s with all these cameos of the Vesa-Matti Loiri!?

They must really like him. In case you non-finns forgot already, here’s a picture of him

red text: sooo good bone!

This is where this comic gets all freaky. They abandon the plot this far, which was that Lordi is collecting monsters for some sort of army, he already got Amon

Awa

Ox… oh goddamn Hitler

and Kita

Petri Hiltunen takes the lead again and greets us with awesomeness

Amon is chomping on his favourite part: the heart, Awa is being gruesome with Kita, Ox is looking fucking awesome and cool and Lordi himself has very focused look in his eyes – the brain of the group. I like it. It was also amusing little mini-story even that I’m not sure what it got to do with the plot. Monsters took a train because their little feetsies got tired from all the walking? Oh well..

But here we get to the part where the plot is completely assasinated – from this point on it’s DEAD.

I was waiting what plan does Lordi have. After all, he used so much energy into collecting all those monsters, he must have something great in mind like.. like..

..going to the nearest town just to feast and have a blast. I think? It was never explained why he collected himself an army. Also, they pay ridicilous amounts of attention to the cleaning problem of dead bodies all over, it’s hilarious! They have formed a new kind of sanitation system for cities and they hire poor people with no other choise to clean up the corpses of monster feeding frenzy.

Then the story goes to follow an artist who makes molds of people, causing them to die by suffocation. Like this hot babe.

This seems more like a bizarre fetish than a horror comic. It might just be me, though. Tee hee.

Oh, and then a zombie attack

No reason. Just because.

I’m really enjoying Sami Kivelä’s style, though. It’s really clean and neat, also a bit ruffled and dirty and that’s just the kind I personally like.

All the main characters seem to be scattered around the town.. doing.. stuff

Lordi, Amon and Kita are – for some reason unkown to me – wrecking a movie theatre. I think they saw Dark Floors and flipped out.

Awa is playing with a dead seer and wondering where Ox is. YOU JUST GOT TOGETHER! How hard it is to keep as a one group! After all that trouble Lordi went trough and they’re scattered again and the audience has no idea why.

And Ox is..

What a handsome BDSM beast! I knew this from the moment I saw that hunk!

Come on, admit it. Can’t you see? Even zombies can’t keep their hands off him when he strikes a pose.

…okay, I MIGHT have edited that blushing zombie there, alright, but the original is already pretty bad.

See?! Totally swooning over him.

After that ordeal Awa possesses a young woman, and she goes to the woman’s boyfriend to complain that he spends more time spanking bulltaurs in his dungeon than he does with her and, you know, throws a itsy bitsy feminine rage-fit.

She must do that often, even when she’s not possessed because her boyfriend doesn’t look even mildly interested in what is happening. He’s all like “Honey, stop eating your unborn baby straight from your womb – again. I’m just gonna pour me some wine, so don’t spill any blood in it like last time, okay? Great.”

This comic is absolutely bonkers. That man who’s only mildly amused at his bloody girlfriend has apparently time-travelled just to spank Ox, that’s the only thing I got from the useless text wall. I quess they are all in that town to catch him or something but why did they just randomly eat and kill people so long and so much that they had to create a special sanitation group to gather all the corpses. I quess they just.. forgot along the way, and just started to stray off to do random monster activities.

Ugghh.. my head. This script sucks ass. I liked the script Mr. Lordi did the best. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad, either

Oh, and the comic ends to Awa forming a special bubble around the baby.

I’m glad it’s over. I have no idea what that all was about, the plot was nonexistant and despite the cool moments, it wasn’t anything special for anyone else than the hardcore fans, and Mattipekka Ratia should seriously stay doing sunday strips, his style is way too naive for work like this.

I got only one thing to say anymore.

That sure was a lot of gore.

Sources:

Poink aka Poinkraven aka Herrwolf  aka ZePoink for the Hitler-image

http://www.isihei.fi/nakkijatappi/

Candy: http://blogs.houstonpress.com/eating/

A little afterword:

When I started year ago, the first part of this comic was my first post ever. I can’t even look at that shit now, I should probably re-do my images altogether, I only now got the hang of this whole “drawing with a tablet”-thing even that I’ve been using it for years.

Which gives me an idea.. would anyone want to critique me? I would re-do the entry’s images based on those suggestions, redlines and advices. If there’s no interest, I’ll just fix them anyway.